As a young girl I found comfort in food. As a teenager I found alcohol and later men. I found myself in a place that I couldn’t live without them. One night, as I sat in my apartment over 15 years ago, I stared at a bottle of vodka and remember telling God, “I don’t want to do this anymore, please help me.”
You see, I grew up in and out of church. I knew God but never knew he could be with me through excepting Jesus and feeling him near through His Holy Spirit. I’d been rebellious and defiant and though I was depressed I didn’t seek solace in Him but in other things.
I drank one more time after that night because I thought It would help me handle a tough situation. As I sat with a friend I realized, as she offered me a drink, that alcohol wasn’t all I had made it to be. It didn’t do anything for me anymore. I believe, it was the beginning of the answer to my prayer.
Transformation comes through a changed mind. As we begin to see who we really are in Christ. There are many times even now when I see addictions try to creep up on me. When I recognize those patterns or behaviours I can put them in their place… under my feet!
I had a dream that revealed an addict to me last night. I sat in my hallway today asking God what I could do now that I knew. How could I help this person..I was trying to remember what changed me. Then out loud I said, ” Honestly, only you can change an addict..” My eyes filled with tears as I began to recall how it felt to be that way.
It’s humbling to know that some things are just out of your control. They are in God’s hands to work out. Now I know what to pray for. It changed my perspective about the relationship with this person. I began to feel compassion for this person because after all, I was an addict too.
The dream also made me see how when I was going through tough situations how some times I would slip into old patterns but my Spirit man would fight to reach for God. How it seemed as though maybe this happened to make me see that transformation takes time. It takes prayer it takes adversity to see if you are really set free from the bondage of addiction. I know now I don’t need any of these things. I only need God. And I’m believing that for my friend as well. That this person will began to see fully who God has created them to be.