A few months back I was visiting a church and at the end of the service we were at the front of the altar. The Pastor was speaking and one of the things he said was,” Some of you are have been single for awhile. You need to stop looking at the person and start looking at the promise…” I knew God was speaking to me through him. It’s hard sometimes to believe when you can’t see.
In service last Sunday our Pastor’s Pastor was preaching and he spoke on Hebrews 11. He said it’s already here. The thing you are desiring is already here.. The next morning something changed. My prayer changed, my mind changed. I’ve had my eyes on a particular person. I’ve prayed, fasted and prayed some more but still couldn’t shake it. It’s what I wanted because of the love I had for him. He was an important part of my life.
I went back and looked at this list I had written while I was in prayer. I asked the Holy Spirit to help me to write this list of what my husband would be. Recently I pulled it out to look at and saw that this person was not in this list. He had bits and pieces and I just couldn’t understand.
Why was this love so strong for him? Had I let it get away from me? Had I misconstrued a relationship into something it was never intended to be?
Trust me, it’s been painful but somehow, someway I had to let go. Let God have the scraps. I remember going into the restroom one day angry…”Lord I don’t want the scraps!” I was taking what this person would give me and let myself get strung along. I went into our lunch area and remembered the story of the loaves and the fishes the Lord multiplied. What they had was not enough for them so the Lord took it and multiplied it to feed them all. I had to change how I was thinking about this situation. I had to give God the little that I was being given and trust that He would bring the multiplication.
Something has changed. I won’t tell you I understand but something has changed. I’m fine tuning my conversations with God. Not letting what I see shake me. The last two days I’ve seen God bring him back to me in the sense of him not running from me anymore. He ran from me and recently I have wanted to run from him because of the great passion I have for him. I’m not sure completely what the Lord is up to but my focus is on that list that I wrote with the Holy Spirit…I have to have faith and see what I want and let God do the rest!